I sent him a goodbye letter, even though I missed him too.

As I was doing a little email clean up, looking for an old logo, that I want to revamp and use again. And I discovered this letter I sent to a person (years ago) that I was dating on and off for almost a year. He was toxic and I was too forgiving! I was hanging on to his potential, I didn’t date him right where he was…if I did, I would have saved myself so much grief! 

There were sooo many red flags all over this mess, I refuse to call it anything else, it wasn’t a relationship, I was too embarrassed to call him my boyfriend or admit I was seeing him…I met him in January right after New Years Day and I was asking God for a companion, a partner, another creative…and when we met, I thought it was him, I thought he might be the one…WRONG!

Lesson: Be more specific in my prayer. 

Here’s the final communication I had with him…the letter…

HIS MESSAGE: I miss you soo much, I was innocent… For u I want you as my first girl, I can’t believe this happened, please forgive me. I just want to be around you even if u don’t want me around …Please forgive me.

MY FINAL LETTER

Dear ____________;

I miss you too. I’ve missed the person that I thought you were…I missed the person you wanted me to believe you were…

The only person that is sorry right now is me, I’m sorry for myself that I have put up with your disrespect for way too long.

I don’t want to be your ‘first’ girl, I wanted to be your ONLY WOMAN.

You said you loved me, so why haven’t you done that?

Even with an apology, you still can’t acknowledge that you lied to me. You told her (the other woman) and I quote, ..”that you have done nothing wrong…and that your brother was messing around of your Facebook!” If you were truly sorry you wouldn’t have sent me a puny email with empty words.

Your exaggerated apology, rather than humility and genuine concern for me, does not warrant forgiveness, especially on the basis of an empty, worthless, or insincere apology. But because of my faith in God and my belief in Jesus, again, I forgive you.

I’m TIRED  (understatement) of trying to convince you that I am worth more that how you have ever treated me. I know and have always known that I mean nothing to you, that you just look at me as an object, someone you can use or discard whenever you feel like it.

Sorry is always the first step, but it means nothing unless you seriously look at the damage you have done to me. I have tried to love you, even when you never loved me back, hoping that one day you would reciprocate. I’ve tried to be your best friend, I’ve tried to encourage you, up-lift you, listen to you, acknowledge your pain, your successes, your goals, your creative talent, your music…

You on the other hand have given me nothing but pain, you have lied to me, called me names, made fun of me, disrespected me, used me, not once have you ever put me ahead of yourself. Yet, you claim that you love me. You don’t even love yourself. Look around you…

I know that by writing you this letter, that nothing will penetrate, you will find some reason to keep being the victim, you will not acknowledge the hurt and pain you have caused me and have caused my children when they see me hurting and in pain (physical and emotional). And let’s not forget all the other women you have done the same to. As you’re reading this, I know you’ll have no reaction, because you are a cold and heartless person, but I am not writing this for you, I am writing this for me.

You are a manipulative and mean person. You have misled kind, beautiful and intelligent women. You twist arguments around to make others feel at fault. Your public image is a HUGE contrast to the private reality that only you share. You keep referring to yourself as a good person and a good man, but when you do, I think you are only trying to convince yourself. You master the art of lying to yourself and you have a distorted perception of who you REALLY are! Or maybe I’m wrong and you know exactly what and why you do the things you do…

If you dig deep deep inside yourself, you may one day be able to be the man that you claim to be. All your actions are choices. You choose to have the friends you have, you choose to spend your money carelessly, you choose to use people at your convenience. Hopefully, one day you will see that and perhaps even bigger than hope, you will actually CHANGE!

Frankly, you are not worth the time and energy I have spent writing this letter, but for my own piece of mind, I am writing you to free my mind from ever having to think of you again. I want to wish you the best, but I don’t, I want to tell you to seek help, but this time, I don’t care whether you do or don’t.

You need to stop seeking sympathy for the problems YOU have caused!

Signed. Hurt and Betrayed

*Feel free to copy and paste this into your own goodbye letter! You have my permission and blessing!

If you’re interested in knowing his reply…let me know in the comment section, you’ll see that I made the right decision.

UPDATE!!! – HIS REPLY {Password: goodbye}